To read the play in its entirety or license it, you can view the official script listed at Concord Theatricals or preview the published book through Google Books .
from the acclaimed off-Broadway comedy Buyer & Cellar is the ultimate "solid piece" to use for an audition or performance. buyer and cellar playbill
You have to play multiple characters throughout the show, and this opening establishes your baseline charisma. To read the play in its entirety or
"First of all, I want to thank you all for coming. Before we begin, there are a few things I have to say. I am not Barbra Streisand. I don't do her. I don’t think anybody should do her. She’s too specific. Even when people do her brilliantly, it's not her, it's an interpretation. So if you're looking for an impersonation, that’s not what this is. "First of all, I want to thank you all for coming
The script explicitly requires the actor to speak directly to the audience, drop character entirely, and address them with charm and conversational wit.
I just want to make that clear before we start. Because I don't want to get sued." ⭐ Why It Works as an Audition Piece
The humor relies heavily on a dry, self-aware delivery rather than over-the-top punchlines.